A Method To The Madness
by MissSunMessage
Summary: Drabble about James/Lily and Snape. Takes place over the years, in and out of Hogwarts.


**Hey! Just a little thing I've been wanting to write. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey, Evans!"

She turns her head three degrees, until she can make him out from the corner of her eye. "_What_, Potter?" she demands, her voice making it clear what she thinks of him.

"Watch this," James says eagerly, gesturing at her wildly.

Interested despite her reluctance to show interest, she turns around to face him properly. Beside her, Severus mumbles something rude to make up for her interest.

Undiscouraged, he beams at her. "Just watch." Quickly, he raises his wand and points it at Evan Rosier.

Before Lily can cry out, the Gryffindor murmurs, "_Oppugno_," and the world erupts in ink. Ink sprays onto Lily's hair, Snape's clothes, James' glasses, but most splatters onto Rosier's papers. The very papers that were due five minutes from now and had taken all of them at least two hours to write.

All eyes turn on them. Slowly, almost lazily, James reaches up and flicks the black stuff off, then glances at Rosier, who looks miserable. Lily watches him with cold indignation, noting his arrogantly innocent manner.

Immediately, she hurries over to Rosier and helps him clean up his papers.

"_Scourgify_!"

James eyes her in obvious confusion as Severus shakes his head.

* * *

She's walking up to Divination class when Remus crashes into her. Clutching her books, she looks him over disapprovingly. "What do _you_ want?"

Remus cringes. "Look, James is really sorry about Snape, he didn't mean to hurt-"

Lily looks at him in a different way. An intrigued way.

"You called him Snape," she states the obvious.

"Yeah, that's his name, isn't it? Look-"

"Potter calls him Snivellus," Lily points out.

"Oh." Remus says awkwardly.

Lily, unusually unsympathetic, prompts, "You were saying?"

He deflates even more, looking uncomfortable. "Oh, yeah. Er- James's sorry, he didn't mean to hurt him like that. He was just fooling around-"

"Hurt him?" she echoes furiously. "He _deprimo_ed him and made him fall down a hill! He's an idiot, and I don't understand why you always stick up for him-"

Wincing, Remus tries feebly, "I don't always..."

_"Yes_, you do! Every time Potter does something stupid, you come along and apologize for him! If he's so sorry, why doesn't he do it himself? He could have hurt Severus _really badly_!"

"Well, Snape put that_ stupefy_ thing him! He didn't wake up for five minutes!"

"Oh, what a tragedy. Couldn't hear James Potter run his mouth for_ five whole minutes_." Remus listens sheepishly.

A bit more kindly, Lily explains,"_Stupefy_ just knocks you unconscious." Then, harshly: "A much more honorable spell than _deprimo_! Severus could have hit his head and died!"

Remus flinches as she screeches _died_.

On that light note, she turns on her heel and storms away.

Running to keep up with her brisk walk, Remus continues,"But he _didn't_, Lily."

"Don't call me Lily," she frowns.

"Yeah, well, that's your name, isn't it?"

"Yes, but-"

"It's the same as Snivellus vs. Snape."

Lily's bright eyes widen disbelievingly. "No, it isn't! If you called me something like..."

Remus waits politely as she struggles to think of a satisfactory nickname.

"Like- like Carrot!" she cries in a burst of creativity. "Like if you called me Evans instead of Carrot! There is no _Lily_ involved."

"Snape calls you Lily and you don't behead him."

Torn between offense and a longing to answer wittily, she settles on, "That's because I _like_ Severus. I don't like _you_."

Remus only nods patiently.

"And I haven't beheaded you... Not yet, anyway."

The two Gryffindors gaze at one another in silence before laughing simultaneously. Feeling much more accepted, Remus falls into step beside Lily.

"How does Snape know a spell like_ stupefy_, anyway?" he asks curiously.

Lily shoots him a withering look. "_Books_, Remus." Hesitatingly, she adds, "What about _deprimo_? Isn't that older stuff?"

Remus smirks. "What do you think?_ Books_, Lily."

* * *

Lily sits at her desk, daydreaming about the couch in the Common Room, and how when she got out of class, she will just lie down, and-

"Hey, Evans," James hisses good-naturedly.

Lily turns away this time, too exhausted to watch him pull another stupid prank. Doesn't he get the hint?

"Evans. Evans!"

Despite herself, she glances at him. He's eying Avery, wand at the ready. Sirius is on his left, watching Avery as he gets up to ask Slughorn a question.

"Don't _Locomoter Mortis_ him," she whispers warily.

James looks at her in surprise. "How do you-?"

Lily's eyes roll up to look at the ceiling. "You're getting obvious, Potter," she replies, doodling a crystal ball in the margins of her notes.

Looking alarmed, James taps Sirius on the shoulder "Nah, cut it. We'll think of _something else_," he adds, staring at Lily in a disgruntled fashion.

She sighs and alters the drawing to make the little round glass explode.

* * *

"Evans, wait up!"

She slows her walk by a fraction. "What do you want?" Her disgusted tone doesn't faze him in the slightest.

"Can you check my Potions homework?"

"Yes," she answers absent-mindedly, fiddling with the fastening on her bag. Why won't it open? Doesn't-

"Great!" James beams. "So I just-"

"But I won't."

Puzzled for a moment, he stops walking, and she's forced to halt in the middle of the corridor. A couple of strange looks are sent their way. "What- will you _move_?" she hisses, blushing as someone points and whispers something.

"Not until you check my homework."

"I'm not going to- to check your homework," she tells him annoyedly. "Just- just move, okay? Don't stand here- People are staring-"

"Let them stare. I want my homework checked."

For a full three minutes, the two second-years stand in a hallway, glaring at one another, neither close to backing down. "Potter," Lily repeats desperately. "Please move." He calmly watches her plead with him, until at last she surrenders.

"Fine, I'll-"

Her bag rips open, and books and quills tumble onto the marble floor. Groaning, Lily kneels down to gather her things, but James accios everything before she gets the chance to. Watching him repair her bag and shove her things back in like a good person, she's suddenly suspicious. Glancing around inconspicuously when James isn't looking, Lily spots shaggy black hair poking out from behind a suit of armor.

"Black!" she exclaims, pulling him out. Sure enough, his wand is out. She'll bet anything that he tore her bag, so that James could look like a good boy, helping the damsel in distress.

"I don't believe you!" she cries disdainfully. "This is beyond careless, beyond idiotic- this is low, even for you two. Breaking my bag so _you_-" she gestures at James- "Can look good?"

Sirius flinches, but James is unabashed. "Did it work?" he asks simply.

Sirius nudges him. "Not now, James-"

Lily's eyes flash dangerously. "Yes, it did! For about thirty seconds!"

Of course, all he hears is "yes, it did". Something gives her the feeling that he'll try something very similar soon.

"Don't do this again," she says as a precaution. "It's _annoying_ and _childish_."

Then she snatches her bag back, haughtily thanks them for getting her books together, and walks to her next class.

* * *

Lily sighs contentedly, dropping to her knees into the thick grass.

"You won't_ believe_ how much homework I have," she tells Severus, who is leaning against a tree, watching her rant. "Slughorn thinks I'm superhuman, I'm telling you, and McGonagall's terrible, and..."

She studies the way his dark eyes wander just over her left shoulder. "And you're not even listening, are you, Sev?" she asks suddenly.

He shrugs guiltily. "Let's not talk about schoolwork, all right?" he asks quietly, and Lily tilts her head at him.

"Fine, what do you want to do, then?" she asks, unable to keep the hint of defensiveness out of her tone.

"Let's just... sit and talk, okay? It's the only time we get to see each other, Lily."

She smiles. "Okay, sure. What about?"

Severus braces himself. "How about you going to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"

Lily's vivid eyes soften. "Sev, we've talked about this. I don't feel the same way as-"

Wanting to shame her, he disguises his embarrassment and replies coolly, "I meant as friends- though if you'd prefer otherwise..."

It works. She looks down, cheeks flushing scarlet.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'd love to go, Sev."

* * *

Remus slides into the seat beside her. Severus is to her right. Lily glances up from her pancakes and pushes her papers aside.

"Hi. Sorry, I've got to finish Potions homework... Slug-horn's killing me," she sighs in all seriousness. Remus tilts his head and reads her hasty scrawl. Severus leans across and shakes his head in warning, but Remus pays no heed.

"That's a boil cure potion, not a... forgetfulness potion," he points out quietly.

Lily's head snaps up at a painful angle. She stares daggers.

"I knew that," she says quickly.

"Well, you didn't, because you wrote-"

"Yes, I did! I don't need your help!"

Severus shrugs at him when Remus glanced over; _doesn't he understand yet that Lily never needs help?_

"And I don't think a bezoar is the solution to-"

"Remus, please don't talk to me right now," Lily says, sweeping a long wave of flaming hair over her shoulder. "I am _trying_ to concentrate."

"But-"

"Remus! Ssh-"

A new, bemused voice interrupts Lily's dialogue as it says, "_Remus?_ What are you doing sitting with _Snivellus_?_"_

Severus turns very red, and Lily's eyes blaze.

"_Excuse me_?" she asks icily.

"Oh, Evans, didn't see you there. Why are _you_ sitting with-"

"Because he's my _friend_. If you don't have anything better to do than insult me and my friends, then you'd better _shut up_ and go away," she tells him.

Sirius appears behind James, sporting a cheerful expression.

"What's up with all of you?"

"Evans and Remus are sitting with Snivellus," James sniffs to Sirius, and turns to face him. "The type of class these days is appalling."

Sirius nods curtly, and they turn around to find the table empty.

"Where'd they go?"

"To the library, I suppose."

"D'you want to-"

"You have the intelligence of two squirrels," a cold voice says behind them, and they swivel around to face Lily, Severus, and Remus.

* * *

She laughs at Alice's remark, and hears a snicker on her right. She turns to find him laughing loudly, to be honest obnoxiously, as if trying to outdo her amusement. Her gaze lingers on the way his long dark hair hangs over his green eyes. She bites her lip.

Then Lily scowls and keeps laughing, although her friend's joke is long over.

Half of the breakfast table stares at her. Severus glances over half-heartedly, sees James eying her and laughing identically, and closes his eyes.

Abruptly James stops laughing, gets his bag, and swaggers away, the disappointment and anger on Lily's face his reward.

Affronted, Lily does the same, stomping gratingly on the marble floor as she exits. Severus runs after her, undignified.

* * *

Severus can see her ogling that Potter. That horrible one, the one that always hexes him and his friends and chases after Lily.

He even calls her "Evans"- like she doesn't have a proper name. It's disgusting... They're both practically drooling after each other, but neither one of them will ever notice. What does she see in him, anyway? He's nasty to anyone who he finds different than his ideal image of a person, and is merciless in his taunting of everyone and everything.

Figuring it cannot hurt to ask, Severus leans over and murmurs to her, "Why are you looking at Potter?" He knows at least not to say "ogling".

Lily whips her head around and glares at him indignantly. "I am not ogling him!"

He can't help but smirk at her as she realizes her mistake. "Oh, whatever. I'm not. I was looking at that butterfly."

"We're on the fourth floor of a magically barred castle. There are no butterflies in a magically barred castle," he points out.

A giggle escapes from her lovely lips. "This one's here. Maybe it's Dark magic," she suggests coyly, and Severus scoffs.

"Let it go, will you? I'm telling you that I don't involve myself in Avery's little club. They're all stupid anyway."

"Stupid? Mulciber aced his Potions exam," Lily insists, and can't help the blatant disgruntlement in her voice. Everyone knows how much she loves her top position in Potions class. Severus pulls a sympathetic face and shrugs.

"Ah, Lil, everyone knows Slughorn's partial to Slytherins," he repeats, "You would've gotten that O if you were in his house."

Lily beams at him, "What would I do without you?" and Severus' eyes light up at her spoken affection, until she slumps. "But you're in Slytherin, and you got an Acceptable."

Yearning for that grin reserved only for his moments of brilliance, he straightens in his seat. "Well then, we'll both work extra hard in Potions and beat Slughorn at his own game."

* * *

"Evans, look at this," James yells, and Lily looks, as if controlled by his glance, blushing fiercely. James takes a loose hold of his broomstick and flips in the air impressively.

Beside her, Severus sneers and continues, "Did you see how-"

But his best friend is captivated by the boy's Quidditch stunts. Sure, he's shouting out to her in the middle of a game, but what's so admirable about trying to make yourself throw up?

Hurt, Severus looks away, pretending he could care less. After a few dozen seconds of tortured glimpses of her brilliant grin, he hears a faint voice calling "Severus..."

He glances up and sees Avery waving over at him to climb up to join him. Severus hesitates, thinking about what Lily says about Avery. About what Potter says about Avery. About what the teachers say about Avery. And about what his family says about Avery. He flashes a pained look at Lily, who's blind as he offers up his blackest look.

Flinging himself from the seat, he makes his way up the stand, assuming indifference when Lily sees him and bites her lip.

* * *

"_Stop it_, both of you!" she shrieks, throwing herself between him and Severus. "Don't!"

They glare at each other over her shoulders. Rolling her eyes, Lily moves to block Severus's view of James, and it slows. "What is wrong with you two?" she cries, and James is ashamed for a moment before remembering who he's trying to fight.

"He nearly hexed Sirius!" he protests, "That prat's got some sick idea of...", and she stares at him until he shuts up.

"Yes," she agrees, turning her back on Severus, "And last week you hexed Mulciber."

"Mulciber likes the Dark Arts! Acts like it's his friend or something-"

"Is that the point?" Lily asks calmly.

"Yes, it is!" he retorts, but she won't look away until he mutters, "Maybe not."

"And might I remind you that you hexed Severus two days ago?"

"He deserved it! He was-"

"And yesterday you hexed Avery."

He bites his tongue to keep from lashing out.

"And in Transfiguration today you hexed Aubrey. You doubled the size of his head."

James snorts. "So?"

"So you have_ no_ right to be cursing Severus for this!"

"Ah, Lily?" Remus asks quietly from where he leans agains the wall with Sirius.

She rounds on him. "What, Remus?"

James raises his eyebrows.

"You can keep talking, but Snape's run off."

Lily whirls around and realizes he's correct. The Severus-sized air that was there before has turned cold and lonely.

Sneering goodbye to them, she hurries down the corridor.

* * *

Lily's been thinking about James.

Thinking about how he has many sides- one that he shows his teachers, one that he shows his friends, one that he shows Severus' friends, and one that he shows only her in the quiet of the halls during dinner when they sneak out together.

Lily cringes, all too aware that Severus knows precisely where she goes, and all too aware of precisely what he thinks of that. She does care about what he thinks, really, but sometimes what he thinks can be so wrong. James isn't evil, not like Sev makes him out to be, and besides how can a sixteen year old boy ever be evil?

She sighs, turning to her potion, which should be a mint green, but has turned soot-black. She feels worth something when James flirts with her. However, she knows that although Severus loves her stagnantly and anguishedly, not wholly and confidently like James does, it's more honest than James' admiration and catcalling is.

For deep in her heart of hearts, Lily Evans knows that James could never love her the way Severus does, and so she can't quite bring herself to speak her mind around Sev- can't quite bring herself to say what she wants to say about Severus' friends and how they even may scare her a little bit, like when they huddle and whisper to each other every time she or a Muggleborn passes them by. She just doesn't have the heart to do it.

* * *

Lily hurries down the stone path to the grounds, anxious not to be late to her Apparition class. She simply can't wait until she can disappear in a flash- have the freedom to go just about anywhere. To her, it seems like apparating will be just about the greatest thing since being magic. All six years she's been waiting to learn to apparate, and here it finally is- her first lesson-

"Lily!"

Someone's shouting. Shouting over the wind? Shouting over to her. Lily cringes, gazing longingly at the people already gathering for Professor Bluerabbit's lesson.

Exclaiming in frustration, she spins around to face James Potter, who is standing about three inches away.

Lily cries out in surprise and falls back onto the thick grass, tumbling a few feet before stopping- mercifully with her head nowhere near the stone steps.

Suddenly she is aware of James running over to her in alarm. "Lily!" he says horrifiedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you like that, I just wanted to say..."

Lily stands up ungracefully, glaring at him. "Yes? What did you want to say?"

"Er-"

"I'm listening," she says, resting her hands on her hips. "I am missing my Apparition lesson for this, so say what you wanted to say."

"Ijustwantedtosaysorry," he mumbles, looking down at his feet.

"What did you say to me?" she asks in shock.

"I said sorry," he repeats, lifting his head to look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to Snape and his friends and everything rude I've said to you. I'm so sorry. I know you think I'm just a stupid boy, but I'm more than that. I know I am. I have to be more, because I think I love you, Lily," he finishes painfully.

Lily stands there and gapes at him.

"Say something, Lily," he pleads.

She smiles finally and simply inquires if he will make up the Apparition lesson with her.

* * *

He can't unsee it. Can't undo it. Can't unknow the facts before him- she's dating him. The Potter prat. And nothing Severus does will change her mind.

All because of that one stupid word he's been running his mouth off about- mudblood.

He hasn't been _stupid_. _Stupid_ is too kind a word to describe what Severus Snape has been like these past years. He's been a half-wit. A dense, senseless, mad, horrible little boy.

Why couldn't he see what he had right in front of him? How could he let someone like Potter take her from him?

He hates himself for it. Hates them for it. Hates everything.

* * *

"She would've invited you, you know. She forgot," the teenage girl tells him.

"Of course," Severus replies politely, pretending he can't recognize a bad lie when he hears one.

Petunia hesitates, seeing the stiff angle at which he stares right ahead, wishing he was anywhere but here at Lily's wedding. "She didn't forget, but you know that, don't you?"

Slowly, the grim young man jerks his head in agreement.

Petunia's expression looks genuinely sad for the boy who loved his sister- despite their mutual dislike for one another. "I'm sorry," she murmurs.

Severus, for the first time since his arrival, turns and looks her over. The tall, awkward, nasty girl he knows has vanished. Tuney has finished growing in height, has filled out into a young woman. Even the hard lines she's sported as a little girl have softened into wrinkles caused by frequent smiling.

Severus shrugs. "As long as she's happy, what should I care?" He's turned around again to watch for the bride who'll be walking down the aisle in a matter of minutes.

Petunia grabs his shoulder and yanks him back to face her. She glares, the epitome of a furious woman. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The boy she's grown to hate for so many years, simply for informing her beloved sister of a future other than the one set out for her in the human world, is quickly becoming an ally- if only because they both detest that James Potter.

"It means what can I do?" he growls back, an equal expression of anger to her glare.

"Do you love my sister or don't you?" Petunia asks fiercely.

"I hate her," he answers.

Somehow, Lily's sister understands, and Severus finds himself warming to her as they stand there pitifully. "Good. Then do something about it."

"I've been trying for nine years," he spits. "Your sister is unmercifully oblivious."

Instead of responding in defense of her much-envied sister, Petunia proves she knows how to smile. "Ah, so you do care."

Severus smirks.

"How old are you?" he asks Lily's sister.

"Nineteen."

"So we're the same age."

He opens his mouth to say something else, and Petunia leans closer, when thunderous music erupts. They leap apart, startled.

The bride has finally begun her descend down the aisle- unmercifully oblivious.

* * *

Severus walks down the dank, cold street, the very picture of misery. He keeps his gaze on his feet and forces himself not to think about her wedding, which he's just attended.

He mustn't.

He mustn't think about how beautiful she looked. He mustn't remember the look of infinite peace she wore as she spotted Potter. And he _really_ mustn't remember the look she shot him at the end- that look of forgiveness and comprehension. If he does, he'll go mad-

For the first time, he is aware of his shadow. Someone's following him. Another Death Eater? Who else could it be?

Oh, damn, not tonight.

He doesn't dare speed up his pace. Instead, he jackknifes into an alley and presses himself against the wall in wait. When a figure turns the corner, he grabs its jacket and forces it into the light of a London streetlamp, expecting to see Avery or Mulciber- Nott, perhaps...

"Black?" he groans. "What are you doing following me?"

Sirius sways where he stands. "Good to see you Sniv- Snev- Snape," he announces waveringly.

Lost in his irritation and bemusement, Severus demands incredulously, "Are you _drunk_?"

Sirius shrugs. "Aren't we a-all? Saw you at the-the wedding... Lily invited y-you?"

Severus doesn't like what he's implying, but chooses not to dwell on it.

"When did she become Lily?"

Even through his intoxicated stupor, Sirius is his old self. "When did she become 'mudblood'?"

"Right about the time she fell for Potter," he snarls back, but catches him all the same when he falls. Arranging Sirius against the wall, he asks, "Where're Lupin and Pettigrew? Didn't see them."

Sirius shakes his long hair from his eyes and scrutinizes Severus, as though debating whether to answer his childhood nemesis. "They left," he replies defeatedly.

"What do they do now?"

Sirius' mouth twitches. "Lupin's trailing after some girl- Violet... Violet Jumpgreen? Violet-"

"Violet Jansmith," Severus supplies softly.

Sirius points shakily. "That's the one. Remember h-her? Never liked him. I suppose it's 'cause of his 'fu-furry little h-habit'..." He hiccups and grins, reminiscing through the alcohol.

Severus considers this. If he had any friends, he sure as hell wouldn't care enough to remember them when as drunk as Black is. Maybe it's some sort of feat, knowing your friends in every unholy state. Someone should give Black a bloody trophy.

"Perhaps," he agrees dryly.

"Anyhow... Moony's still chasing h-her... Giving her flaw.. flow... gifts. She isn't budging, th-though."

Severus frowns at "moony", but dismisses the term as some sort of nickname. He strongly suspects that were he not drunk, Black wouldn't have let it slip.

"And little Peter?"

"Oh, P-pettigrew's doing something, all right, if you ask him. Merlin kn-knows what it is... Prob-prob'ly same as you, eh?"

Severus sighs and chooses to ignore the twinge in his chest the comment creates. "And you?"

Sirius pulls a face. "Me? Why, I-I'm very well off. I'm go-going places, Snivellus."

* * *

He's up in his flat, lying on his bed and trying to block out his hangover. Never had he thought he'd end up like Black. Numbed into drinking too much and then some.

He hears a grating knock on his door.

Could only be one person.

Severus sighs heavily and gets up to open the door for the last relic he has of Lily Evans. "What do you want?"

Petunia rolls her eyes and pushes past him, making her way into the flat. "You weren't very sober last night, were you?"

"I'd forgotten how clever you Muggles are," he says snidely.

She ignores it. "Could I make myself some tea?" She's already at the stove, pouring water into the kettle.

"Help yourself," he replies. It's half-hearted. He doesn't particularly care if she makes herself some tea.

"Thanks. Would you like any?"

Severus laughs cheerlessly. "No- thank you, Petunia."

She sits stiffly at the table, a question halfway formed on her lips.

"What is it?" he asks warily, too exhausted to be afraid.

"You're really gone, aren't you?"

When he hears those words, his head aches.

_Let it stop. Let it all stop._

_I want it to stop._

"Whatever you figure," he shrugs.

Petunia doesn't dare scoff at his ridiculous responses. Instead, she tilts her head and says, "Promise me something, Snape."

Severus gazes up at the ceiling. "Sure."

He hates getting drunk. It always makes _it_ stop, but bites him the next day and worsens it.

"No matter what happens... Promise you won't do anything drastic."

Through his headache, he understands dimly that she's saying something serious.

"What?"

"Nothing drastic. Right?"

"Right," he whispers, and turns back to pretending he's dreaming.

* * *

"James!" Lily laughs, eying the blueprints he's drawn out for the nursery. "You'll spoil the baby rotten!"

He doesn't seem perturbed in the least. "No, look. It's completely reasonable. We'll get an architect to come and knock out _that_ section of the house- wizard, of course. He'll work his magic on the room and fix it all up. I guarantee you-" On second thought, he leans closer."..._And_ the baby- that it'll be done by April. And when the baby comes in July, everything'll be done."

She smiles up at him fondly. "You're too good for it, sweetheart. You're too good for both of us."

He wraps an arm around her waist and leans his head on her shoulder. "Let's not call the baby 'it'... Sounds so alien... Let's find out."

She twists to face him in surprise. "We promised each other we wouldn't. It'll be so much better if we don't."

"He's our kid-"

"She," she corrects automatically.

James grins, "See? We've both already imagined the baby- one of us'll be disappointed come July."

Lily snorts. "You will, trust me. My little girl's already laughing at you," she places a hand on the space she thinks the baby to be.

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Lily's pregnant. If you didn't know already, you know now. I'll remind you of the promise you made me, Severus._

_I'm getting married next month, to Vernon Dursley. You're welcome to come. Bring someone with you, all right?_

_Severus, you promised. It's over now. You're not connected to her, so just try to forget._

_Yours,_

_Petunia Evans_

Severus reads and rereads the funny piece of paper. It's similar to parchment, but not quite the same thing. It seems to be the only thing he can bear to focus on- the paper. If he doesn't, he'll begin to properly register the words, and then he just might break his promise to Petunia. He slumps against the wall and closes his eyes.

And then the words come to him in the worst way- they wash over him like pain.

* * *

"You're not angry, Lil?"

She smiles sadly. "I'm not, I promise, sweetheart."

"But you're disappointed, and that's nearly worse. I swear it's better to be upset earlier than later. And I also swear you're going to_ love _our son."

Lily blinks. "Is that what you're worried about, James?" She leans to face him. "How could I not love our _son_?" She struggles to keep the resentment from her voice. "Besides, there' ll be more babies, and one of them's got to be a girl, right?"

James nods, relieved with her calm logic in the face of such disheartenment. "Do you know how incredible you are?" he murmurs against her lips.

"No. Tell me how incredible I am," she says amusedly, and wraps her arms around his neck.

"You never-"

Lily gasps abruptly, wrenching her arms apart. James groans, rubbing his poor neck as she exclaims, "Oh my God! We don't have any names! We need to think of names! Uhm- Seth? Theo? Jesse? Dakota?"

"Dakota," James repeats incredulously.

"Dakota is a lovely name. It can be either for a boy or a girl."

"Lil, it's not very conventional, is it? Dakota sounds..."

His wife folds her arms against her chest and meticulously raises one eyebrow. "Let's hear some of your suggestions, then," she orders coolly.

James stifles a chuckle. "What about Harry?"

"Harry?" Lily repeats curiously. "Hm. Harry. Harry Potter."

"Son of James Potter and Lily Evans."

"He'll be the best wizard the world has ever seen. He'll be famous," Lily replies.

* * *

Petunia shifts from one side to the other, waiting for someone to answer the door.

She hasn't seen him in years. Not since the wedding.

She doesn't know if he still lives alone, if he still lives here... If he lives. Period.

A lump forms in her throat for the young man she hardly knows, and she rings the bell again. "Snape!" she calls impatiently. "Open up!"

It's quiet- frighteningly quiet...

She brings her gloved fist down on the door again and again. "Snape!" Petunia yells. "If you're in there,_ let me in_."

She waits a fraction of a second, then tries the doorknob again. Still locked-

She tilts her face to the ceiling of the grubby building and sends up a prayer to anyone who's listening. There's only one thing left to do.

So then she whispers something, just like she had nine years ago: "Alohomora."

And miraculously, just like it had nine years ago, the knob turns.

Petunia steps inside with a quiet kind of panic about her. "Snape?" she calls again. "Snape?" Desperation creeps into her voice.

She stops stepping and starts running through the flat.

"Snape! Sev-Severus?" The latter is spoken hesitantly, as if she can't quite get used to his name yet, even after ten years of knowing it.

_Severus_, she thinks to herself, _what a name_!

She can't find him, she can't-

She finds him leaning against the sofa, sprawled on the floor, staring at nothing.

"Snape!" she whispers in warm relief. "Oh, Snape! I thought you were..." The words can't emerge from her mouth. It's all just too horrid.

Petunia leans closer, and only then does she notice the crystal tears on his cheeks.

"Oh, Snape," she whispers, and his cold tears grip her by the throat and slam her down onto stone. Her eyes sting for the first time since she'd gotten the news.

"I..."

She can't say it. She can't, she can't, she-

"I know. She was my sister."

Snape takes his hand and covers his face with it. His shoulders heave.

"Snape, I-"

_"_I want to die," he sobs. The confession seems to give him a strange satisfaction. "I want to die and join her."

Petunia doesn't protest. She doesn't tell him it's the wrong answer. Instead, she chooses something else: "How can you know there's anything after you die?"

Snape drops the hand and looks at her. "Because for someone like her to die, there must be something out there doing it."

"You're ignoring James."

Snape lowers his head. "Please let me. I... I want to die," he repeats.

Petunia shakes her head and cries. "Don't, Severus. You'll leave me all alone."

The simple plea makes the dreams in his head fade. "Do you know," he asks, "When I heard, I went there? I saw them. L-laying there like bodies."

Petunia doesn't say, They are bodies. Doesn't even think it. She's too terror-struck.

"I saw- I saw Hagrid, a- an old Hogwarts student there, and Black... He's the boy's godfather." The word draws him into mournful silence.

Again, she doesn't ask.

"I hid from them. I didn't want to- to see them grieving over h-her... Like she was th-theirs. She was mine. All mine. Sweet Lily..."

Petunia wraps an arm around him and lets Severus weep into her shoulder.


End file.
